Why do I feel I'm not allowed to be a woman?

I'm a 24 y/o woman, but I'm not very feminine. Not because I don't want to be, but because I feel like I'm not up to standards of what a woman should look like. I LOVE makeup, clothes & shoes (I often fantasize about what it would be like to be able to wear those cute outfits and heels), hair products, I'm obsessed with my nails/nail-art. BUT all the clothes I own are plain black t-shirts, a few other random t-shirts, jeans (long, shorts, and capri's), and tennis shoes. I've dressed this way since I was 8 or so... That's when I started putting on the weight. I'm not terribly fat. I'm 5'6" and I weigh 225. I have fairly more muscle and a larger bone structure than normal. I have curves, and most of my fat doesn't jiggle, it's more firm or "plump" I have a shape, but the ratios is what I think other people judge me for. I don't even know if that makes sense to y'all but that's the only way I know to put it. Like, my body is shaped normal, natural hourglass figure (no rolls) just in a bigger ratio. I think they are 40 35 53....... Anyways, I think I look okay when I look in the mirror, but that's not what resonates with me. It's like I'm going "Okay, now you know people think you're fat, and you look ugly. You can't wear that. Now I think it looks funny.,.". I think my face is beautiful. Only when I look in the mirror though, I hate how it looks in pictures. I can stare in the mirror at myself forever (I know that sounds horrible), but I WILL NOT take a picture! NEVER! Only if I'm taking it of myself while looking in the mirror so I know what it will look like. I dunno it's weird. Anyways, I feel like I'm not allowed to be a woman and I would like to know if someone might have an inkling as to why. Oh, and affects my sex-life too. Same reasoning, "I'm not allowed to be sexy."